What if, 《at that time》she knew that I was awake. What kind of face will Toto-chan show me and I wonder how she would feel about it.
I do know that because of that, I’m still alive now.
And I understand, what Toto-chan did was a treatment and feelings of attraction were probably not included in it.
I could firmly remember the time when I first met Toto-chan, after all I have confidence on my memory…… but I don’t think that I was that attracted to her before though.
When I first met Toto-chan, she was anxious of her surroundings due to the fact that she was different from everyone else with her black hair and red eyes, but noticing that I’m also scared, she tried to show me a bright smile, at first even I was scared looking at her bright red eyes.
「Hora, your name is? 」
With my mother’s nagging I desperately told her my name, hearing that she showed a troubled look, but then Rihanna-san took her hand then pointed at me, then she told her my name then pointing it back to her and telling her name.
Then when I heard her saying my name, something snapped inside me, I don’t know what that feeling is but it made my heart beat faster, but now I have finally understood that feeling.
At that moment, I was fascinated with Toto-chan’s voice, in just that moment it already became a favorite of mine.
After that I don’t know why but she was staring at me full of curiosity, and also the fear that I have at first have all disappeared. And this time, even my curiosity was triggered in wanting to know her more.
「What do you want to do? 」
When we moved to my room I leaned close to her and asked, but she only tilts her head in response and I realized that she didn’t understand what I have just said.
「You don’t understand words? 」
Even though I asked that she again only tilted her head in response, then I remember a talk between Mother and Rihannna-san about 『Toto is already at that age but still doesn’t understand words』.
Then thinking about that topic, I also thought about how I would be able to make her speak and won’t be able to hear her voice.
If I ask her about anything, she probably won’t respond because she 《Doesn’t know》 how to, so I just have to make sure that she《Would know》 so that we could have a conversation.
Then I decided to teach her by doing a『What is this and that? 』 to make her understand a bit, and because of that she became more interested in learning different words.
Now that I think about it, it was really kind of embracing for me at that time because of the fact that I have developed a strange pride in being superior to her, and we continue on the teaching, the topics became more and more difficult.
For me, there were books written by father which let me learn about language. I was in an environment that I would still be able to learn a lot of things despite having a weak and sickly body, and more than that.
It’s because, she kept on coming to visit me almost every day.
At first, she doesn’t know anything at all, but I was impressed at her speed of learning as the days go on and we continue the studies.
And because of that, I really get along well with Toto-chan, and we even started playing and do many things, but as the days go by I realized that my physical condition was getting worse.
The pain keeps on spreading and became more uncomfortable as the days go by, and it starter to even become painful just moving around.
There are times when I feel a bit better and it would be fine to move around a bit, but Toto-chan stopped me from forcing myself and stayed.
I don’t know why she was doing that, but she allowed me if it was only doing my private stuff or as long as I don’t get too exhausted when going outside.
The thought of her watching over more and more was making me really happy. Although it was sad that I couldn’t hear her voice as much as I would like.
But my condition just continued to get worse. It was to the point where getting up or waking up was becoming harder and harder to do, but even if I couldn’t play anymore, Toto-chan still came to visit me every time she could.
I can’t remember how many times she visited because of losing my sense of time. But still, it made me happy whenever I hear Toto-chan’s voice beside me. And every time I felt her presence watching over me, I would always feel at ease.
Then one day, I felt the presence of someone approaching me.
My eyes were not able to open anymore, but I could still hear Toto-chan’s faint voice so I still felt relieved.
I wonder if she was trying not to wake me up, the voice I heard was almost close to a whisper but it was very gentle, so I thought that it was better for me to sleep.
However, I felt something coming closer and then something soft was pressed on my lips. So instead of being sleepy, my consciousness bounced back from the surprise.
（ Toto-chan kissed me! Why!? ）
Soon after that, the pain in my chest, the pain in my body, everything was gone, and what was left was a soft and warm feeling. For a second, I thought that I had almost died from that unknown feeling that washed over me, and it was something that I haven’t felt before.
「Please, get better」
Because of Toto-chan speaking in a cute whisper, I made sure to stop myself from being exposed. I don’t really understand why she did or for what purpose it was, but I’m sure that it was because of Toto-chan that I was cured.
More than anything else, at that time, what frustrated me more was when I realized my true feelings that I was actually in love Toto-chan.
I did my best to held it in until Toto-chan left, and then my happiness overflowed making me become beet red from the kiss. At first I didn’t understand this feeling but soon realized that what I’m feeling was《Love》.
I know that I have liked her voice before but at that time, I still don’t know if what I really felt was just like or something different.
After one day, two days, three days later.
Since that time, the pain I have been suffering completely vanished, and I was convinced that it was Toto-chan who healed me.
But still, there was something that was bothering me. It was about what Toto-chan’s feelings for me, and what the meaning of that kiss was, or maybe just like what I’ve been thinking that it was only in order to cure me.
After a few more days, I was finally able to get up and open my eyes. I wonder if I could understand what Toto-chan really felt at that time.
I was really curious about it, but I’m also scared of asking her directly.
「It became really dusty here」
I need to be like usual. If I can’t see that smile anymore then I would be really depressed.
From now on, I need to become much healthier and I want to be closer to Toto-chan. But for now, just like before, I will be happy if I could just hear her voice.
From that point on, I am still prioritizing my recovery and was only helping with housework a little bit so I wasn’t able to play a lot with Toto-chan. But as time goes by, I was able to go outside more and more and was even to go to the forest and pick up nuts and herbs with Toto-chan.
Then there was the time where she had to go to the capital to see the festival. I knew that she would come back soon, but it was still a little lonely not being able to hear her voice. And I still don’t understand if this feeling of《Like》is also the same as what she feels.
After a while, Toto-chan finally came back from the capital. Nothing really changed and she gave me a lamp as a souvenir, and because of being glad of her return along with the present that I impulsively hugged her.
Then, I listened to her adventures in the capital. She was telling me about how wide it was and how it would be easy to get lost in that place. She even told me about her entering a battle tournament and winning which was a really interesting story. But what shocked me the most whas her last words.
「Someday, want to go an adventurer, will probably stay in capital as an adventurer」
「You want to stay in the capital!? 」
「Ah, that not yet sure, plan for now」
Hearing her previous stories, it understood that that was true then Toto-chan would become famous in no time, and she will definitely be going further away from me.
And knowing that I might not be able to convey my feelings to Toto-chan, tears begin to fall from my eyes.
「Wa, Rikka-chan, Umm, Sorry, did that, make you sad」
「It’s not that, Toto-chan」
I too, 一want to be together――。
I who was too shocked from what she said froze, 一must say it, 一I want to go with her, but how should I say it.
Even if that was what I thought, the words wouldn’t come out, and the only thing I could do was shook my head as Toto-chan comfort me.